Dating too often
“I think you have to have a thick skin and be prepared for rejection and to reject people - you're meeting someone based on their photos and their texting small talk (people have longer to compose and think through a message unlike in real life).” Despite the negative feelings some have towards dating apps and websites, there is no doubt that they are here to stay for the meantime.
Technology is ever evolving so these inventive ways of finding people to date are unlikely to diminish.
“You are always thinking that there is someone better on the next swipe,” she says.
“Or after your one ‘okay’ date you might get straight back to Tinder without giving someone date number two.” Elle, a 33-year-old creative from east London, says apps have replaced the days of risk-taking because of unrealistic expectations of perfection.
Perhaps even for people who did join an app as single-and-ready-to-mingle, seeing the plethora of options on swipes and the mighty levels of power that come with literally swiping someone aside if they don’t fit your brief, it has stopped people meeting someone they otherwise might give a chance if they met in person.
And if you’re talking to the absolute wrong friend—like Jenna who has sex five nights a week with her banker boyfriend, who claims to have a job (in PR) but also has a flexible enough schedule to attend regular 4 p.m.
To the researchers’ surprise, by the end of the study, Group B’s energy and enthusiasm had declined, and moreover, the sex “wasn’t much fun.” Couples are happiest, it seems, when they have sex exactly as often as they want to, without being forced into an upswing For Science—or, for that matter, by passive-aggressive shaming from their own Jennas, who never seem to factor in the real world when it comes to the frequency of sex in a committed relationship.
To put it more colorfully, as a recent-newlywed friend Laura tweeted at me when I did a call-out for this piece: “Is this supposed to be not a lot of sex?
Because if so, I need to have a sit down with my vagina.”The continued emphasis on sexual quantity over quality for committed couples is the reason that women like Christine, 26, are self-conscious about the frequency of sex in their perfectly happy relationships.
“When I've discussed my frequency with friends who are having sex more frequently than I am, I have felt pitied (in the nicest way possible).”When she and her boyfriend moved in together three years ago, they went from having sex every night to once a week, occasionally twice.